Proud Mommy Moment

On Wednesday last week, as we were leaving church, my oldest asked if he could invite his best friend (we'll call him J) for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to spend with our family. Of course I said yes. Christan then explained the reasons why and I don't want to air J's "dirty laundry" but I'll just say he's never really had a Christmas and it's not because of a "religious thing". Christian babysat a lot last week and so had quite a bit of money. He went Thursday after he was done babysitting and spent ALL his money on J. Of course I gave him money and told him to pick out something J would like from me and Brice. The next day (Friday) I went and got his stocking stuffers (one of which was a Bible). At an age when Christian could have saved his money for a car, car insurance, or just simply spent it on himself, he instead chose to provide a little joy for J. Christmas is not about the materialism that is often so present today. It is about God's love sent down from heaven in the form of Christ so we could have eternal life. I think Christian did a good job of showing love on Christmas morning.







Merry Merry Christmas J!

Heavy Heart

My heart is so heavy right now.

Four kids have died this week.

Three of them in less than two days.

Two of them with heart problems.

One of them with the same problem Eli walks around with right now.

I have no words.

I know those babies/kids are in heaven in the loving arms of Jesus.

Those mommies arms are empty. Those mommies now have the heavy burden of walking around without their child while grief follows them everywhere. No more smiles. No more laughs. No more crying. No more anything.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

People who don't have a child with a heart problem don't understand that just because they do surgery doesn't mean the journey is over.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

If you're not a parent of a child with Congenital Heart Defects and Disease, the chances are not.

You don't hear the complete silence as the cardiologist listens intently to your childs heart.

You don't hear the intense beating of your own heart in anticipation of what that cardiologist has to say.

You don't hear the cardiologist telling me "be thankful for every time his subaortic stenosis hasn't returned" because it has such a HIGH rate of reoccurance. Or any number of things that are a reality for a child with CHD.

You don't hear your child cough and have the task of determining whether that cough is allergies, a cold or his valve leaking more.

You don't hear people tell you not to worry, only you're NOT worried. You are being cautious, but they would NOT understand the difference.

You don't hear of the other kiddos with heart problems similar to Eli and wonder is God trying to prepare me for what is next or am I crazy.

You don't hear God telling me things will be okay if I lean on Him.

You don't hear the peace that also comes from knowing God is in control. Knowing that when my worries and fears take hold I can put them in His loving hands and know I will get through this.

Things My Kids Say

My kids are the sweetest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. It comes out in the things not only that they do, but the things they say.

"God made everybody."

"My heart! Jesus is in there." (This can be concerning when said child has a heart problem and pauses inbetween the word heart and Jesus.)

"It's okay Eli, Jesus IS healing your heart."

"I made this for God."

"God lives up there (points to sky) and God lives in our hearts too."

"I want Jesus to fix my heart." (Also is concerning when said child has a heart problem and says this in a very sad way.)

I love my kids and listening to them talk about God.

How Can You Help?

In the world of blogging people often have give aways and prizes to win. I don't participate often for no real reason. Well I have a blog I follow. This mother has a daughter with special needs. Look at her blog here and post a comment. For every comment left Milk-Bone® will donate $1 to Canine Assistants. A very special cause for those who need it. Let's start the Christmas season early.

Too Much Fun

I think Faith is having too much fun after nap time. What do you think?



(I'm really glad she didn't dump the white powder, which is cornstarch, all over the floor.)



In my defense my boys ALWAYS knocked on the door when they were ready to get up.

Elk Camp

A couple weeks ago the kids and I went for the opening day of elk hunting with Brice. Although it is NOT my thing, the kids LOVE it. So I go so they can enjoy the time with daddy and grandpa. Here are a couple of pictures.

Dakota helping stack wood.


Eli helping stack wood.


Faith being Faith


All three little ones.


How did I not get a picture of Christian?

Big Brother

So when it comes to Dakota, we mostly see him running around trying to get or avoid stimulation and it comes out in a LOT of ways. NON-STOP talking, not being able to sit still, closing ALL the doors in the house, playing with the lights, etc. He also:

lines up cars


and if Eli touches, thinks about touching, looks at, or is playing with his own cars near Dakota's, then Dakota has a panic attack. And YES Dakota has ALL 50 something cars memorized. So if Eli is messing with his, Dakota knows.

or movies


or at times you see this




What you can't see in the above pictures is Dakota's OCD face and how he is frantically doing this behavior. I'm not even sure I can put it into words. He runs frantically doing the above from room to room or task to task. For example if he has to go to the bathroom, he will repeat the process above until ALL his cars are in the bathroom with him. I've tried to explain this to people before and until they see it they really don't understand. Because when you see it up close it can be a bit disturbing.

So while we see these things in Dakota EVERY SINGLE DAY, we get a little weepy when he does something so very sweet and that is taking care of his little sister after we switched her from the crib to the toddler bed.

nap the first day


but the first night when we checked on Faith we found this


the second night this


so Brice put him back in his own bed.

Then last night (or I should say this morning) we found this


I think she prefers her big brother taking care of her.

Ten Things

I thought it would be good to post 10 things about me no one really knows. So here goes.

1) I am NOT a morning person. I really almost like NOTHING about mornings. I fully well expect this to change when my children all sleep until noon. Because it will be when I actually CAN sleep in that I WON't.

2) I don't like noise in the morning. Christian learned very early that I need things quite in the morning. I really wish his brother Dakota would catch on. Maybe someday when he doesn't need to talk just to hear himself talk.

3) Although I'm not a morning person and I don't like noise in the morning, that is when I get most of my chores done. I'm not sure why. I really prefer to get them done so my afternoons are free. Maybe it has something to do with nap time.

4) I didn't learn to cook until I got married. Maybe that's the way it is with most people. When I was growing up my mom worked nights so I was in charge of cooking dinner. She would always get out something like Hamburger Helper. That is probably why I don't like cooking from a box. But I didn't get to watch my mom in the kitchen. So I had to teach myself and my hubby was my tester. Apparently I've gotten better over the years.

5) I am VERY self-conscious about EVERYTHING. My hair, my house, my voice, EVERYTHING. It's why I won't sing a solo in front of people. I'm so self-conscious and get stage fright so bad I don't sound the same at ALL. At nearly 40 years old, you'd think I would get over it.

6) I really really really love being organized. If I'm not organized I feel like I can't function and can get a little grumpy.

7) We don't celebrate Halloween, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. We don't dress up for Halloween or go trick or treating at all. We do celebrate Christmas and Easter, but we tell our kids we bring the presents. I just hope and pray my kids don't go telling other kids who do celebrate Santa and the Easter Bunny anything they shouldn't. I apologize in advance if they do.

8) I use to have an eating disorder. Wow!! I really decided to put it out there I guess. I use to eat only one can of soup a day. They say once you have an eating disorder you always will. However, God has blessed me with problematic blood sugar so if I don't eat I'll pass out. And I love food entirely too much now. So I think God cured me.

9) I secretly love tools (just not electric saws as they scare me). I don't know if it's a good thing my kids are so young or not. If they weren't I would probably be doing some projects around the house while hubby is at work. He might come home to find a remodeled house. I'm not sure if he would be happy since I didn't say I was any good with them.

10) I love my Sisters in Christ and wish I could get together with them more often that just Sundays and Wednesdays. They are a HUGE blessing to me and help encourage my strength in the Lord. However, my self-consciousness gets in the way a LOT.

How Do You Do It?

I don't understand how some moms get everything done. Their homes are beautiful, their children well behaved and potty trained perfectly. Personal time for exercise, showering, bible reading, blogging and anything else they want or need to do. Oh and time to spend with their husbands. I don't get it. It's 12:30 and I have neither eaten nor showered or even read my bible. I need to do laundry and some cleaning and organizing. But everytime I clean something one of my children will come mess it up. Usually this is because one little boy is having problems with people being in the same room as him so he just moves the mess to a different room while I clean. Yes I have him clean the mess but he then just repeats the process. If I even act like I'm going to get my bible to read my children will interupt me a million times. I can patiently explain to Dakota a million times but really he talks just to hear himself talk. Just ask him. And yes he is being serious when he says yes. It's a sensory thing and he doesn't get pretending or facial cues. I really want to sit down and understand how to make this blog better, have more people read it, and make some changes that require learning technology. (Is there a technology for dummies book? If so I need it. Of course that would require time and concentration to read it and I have neither.) I also need to learn how to coupon, but I can't get the coupons to print and I missed the class they had at our church because of sick kids. If my children are home I WON'T focus on whatever it is I need to learn. I'm frustrated can you tell.

Learning New Words

So Faith being 18 months, she is learning new words. She doesn't have a HUGE vocabulary yet. In having two children with speech issues I have learned an enormous amount about what is and isn't normal speech development. For instance when children first learn to talk they typically leave off the ending of the word, they start with single syllable words and work their way to multi-syllable words, and some letters (like L and R) don't develope until MUCH later (it depends on what chart you look at as some differ from each other). Well knowing these things Faith can say the word PRAY!!

It is really important in our house to teach our kids to pray. We specifically want them to learn to pray from the heart and talk to God. So when we pray we give them every opportunity to say what is on their heart even if it doesn't make sense to us. Well the other night we were putting the kids to bed and of course Faith knew it was time to pray. So she folded her hands and said "Pay". We were sooooooooooooo excited to hear her say it. We kept having her say the word over and over. She knows the word pray!!

Eli's First Day

Let me start this post by asking, HOW do all you other bloggers find time to blog so regularly? It's been two weeks since Eli started pre-school and I'm just now finding time to post the pictures. Anyway, as always I followed the bus to school the first day. This really is not as weird as some might think because LOTS of parents do it. Apparently there are even a few who follow them the ENTIRE first week. I just settle for the first day. Anyway enjoy!

Waiting for the Bus!




Getting on the Bus!



And their Off!!


Arriving at School!!!

Heart Story/Poem

I'm stealing this from another blog. The person's blog I stole this from was born with the same thing Eli was and went to be with Jesus not long after she was born. This story pulls at my heart. The author is unknown.


Heart Story/Poem

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that she is just going for a visit. She is still not swayed on this idea.

So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared.

She asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy and daddy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart".

"Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday." "And when its time to come back to heaven, whenever that may be, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

Trials

The book we are using for our Bible study is about trials. Our lesson for this week was about embracing them as friends. I really could have spent several more hours in Bible study tonight. Not because I specifically need to talk about my trials, but because I wanted to talk about how to embrace them and about forcing myself to let control go. Letting go of control is so hard sometimes. But in the end we do NOT have control anyway. Our loving Lord God does. He has ALWAYS had control. So we are fooling ourselves in thinking we do have control. I am so thankful God is in control and I have Him to lean on. I think I'm needing a lot of Christian fellowship right now.

School Days

Well as sad as it is, I did NOT get a picture of Dakota's first day of kindergarten (how embarrassed am I). I don't know why other than, I was anxious for a vacation I went on ALL BY MYSELF. And I had an appointment I had to leave for. I tried to be done with the appointments before school started, but it didn't work out. I had taken pictures and wanted to post about "school" work I do at home with the boys and have never gotten around to it. So now that I don't have a picture of Dakota I thought it would be good to post here.

Our days always started with playdough time. Dakota would leave around 10am every day so it would work out perfect to clean up right before or after he left.

Sometimes they just played and other times they used cookie cutters to cut out the letters for their names.


Then we would move on to individual work with Eli (since Dakota was at his own school).


Then when Dakota got home we would practice using scissors.



Well Eli officially will start developmental preschool on October 11th. It makes me want to cry already. I KNOW he'll do well, but mommy is going to need a box of kleenix and bon bon's. I WILL get pictures of his first day. Of course mommy will have to follow him to school just like we did Dakota on his first day of preschool.

Birthday Celebrations

So we celebrated Dakota's birthday in May and Eli's birthday on Tuesday. To make things easier on myself (and because I HATE planning parties of any kind) we got the idea from a friend to pick a place to take the kids for fun instead of a traditional party. Then they get to choose where we go out to dinner. Dakota picked IHOP and Eli picked Red Robin. Red Robin happen to be visiting the Restaurant on Eli's birthday along with EVERY other person who had a birthday on Eli's day. LOL They LOVED their special days though. And Eli got a special gift even. You'll have to make it to the end to see it though.

Dakota's Day

Good Morning Birthday Boy


To the Aquarium we go!


Beating the Octopus


Compared to a Shark I'm this big!


Trying on the scuba gear!


Time for presents








Eli's Day

My birthday boy


Present Time (because the day started at the doctors we wouldn't have time for them when we got home)






No chance of getting all four kids to look and smile at the camera at the same time.


Getting Eli to look alone was a challenge


Eli's Mascot "The Turtle"


And of course we had cake


So for the special gift Eli got. Well as I mentioned above Eli's day started with the doctors office. He needed/and still needs some tests done. So that morning was one of the first ones. (The test turned out normal. Which is good and bad.) Anyway it was done in the opthamology department at Children's Hospital. Apparently when a child visits the opthamology department on their birthday they get a present. So when we got there we were greated with this white bag.



Inside were these three gifts. (The game is one I had thought of buying the kids as it teaches listening skills.)


But the bear is special. Notice what is on his shirt.


FAO Schwarz


I was really surprised. Since Eli struggles sometimes with keeping up with kids his age, I tend to want to spoil him. In the long run that isn't a good idea though so I fight with myself not too. But on his special day, I'm glad he had a good day. And at the end of the day he was "normal" kid tired instead of "my child is going to die" tired.

Thank the Good Lord He only gave us birthdays once a year.