Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Ignoring My Flesh

So Eli was brought up to the team on Monday.  EVERYONE is on the same page that something HAS to be done.  His symptoms are too bad at this point to ignore.  The problem is what do they do?  Subclavian Steal Syndrome is just EXTREMELY rare in kids.  I have met one other mom with CHD warrior with Subclavian Steal Syndrome.  However, the cause for her childs was similar to the cause in adults and that was a blocked artery.  So her child's was stented.  The same thing they would attempt in an adult.  Eli's artery doesn't exisist so that is not an option.  But I already explained that in my previous post.  This is about ignoring my flesh.

When it comes to the things Eli deals with medically I can stress out.  Anyone that knows me in person and TRULY knows me has seen it and it is NOT pretty.  When it comes to dealing with doctors?  It's even uglier.  In the last couple of months my hubby has taken the lead on talking to the doctor in between appointments.  This was completely planned by my loving Lord and Savior and I am so very grateful for it.  Since he has been the go between it has been so much easier to fight my flesh.  I'm the type of person that I need to understand things (at least when it comes to Eli's medical stuff, NOT about technology as that is another matter altogether).  If I was still the one calling I would be a basket case right now.  Don't get me wrong I still fight it (a LOT).  But right now when things come up I'm able to say to myself "Jesus has this".  There is a HUGE sense of peace that God is dealing with this.  It's all in HIS timing and NOT mine.

So I have to ignore my flesh and let God work out the calls. 

The dates. 

The decisions.

The outcome.

I think about it. 

I start to get lost in what "might" happen.

But then I remind myself God has this.  HE brought us to Swedish from our former cardiologist office.  HE has the doctor talking with not just the doctors who will do the surgery, but other doctors who work on adults (as this is an "adult thing").  My husband has so lovingly reminded me of the peace he feels that God is leading us in the direction that is best for Eli. 

In the meantime, I will continue to ignore my flesh and let HIM lead.

3 comments:

  1. Oh Angela, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Totally understandable that you would be struggling against the "flesh." Hannah and I pray for you and Eli every night!

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  2. I have been thinking of you and your family a lot! hope you are having a great summer and have been able to let go of some of the heaviness....if even for just a little while! I am praying for you, Eli (all the family)
    much love.

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