Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Change of Plans

So I was going to introduce everyone through my eyes when I started this, but I think God has a change of plans for me. I just felt like I've needed to come here and get some things out and as I try to find the time to introduce everyone I feel like I'll never get to posting the other "stuff". As I mentioned before when I first thought of doing a blog it was because I wanted to encourage moms and dads of children affected by autism. Then when I actually gathered up enough courage to start, it was because of the growth God has given me lately and I wanted to encourage others to grow as I have.

Eli is my miracle of God. There is no other way to look at it. I am ashamed to admit some things and this may anger some, but I feel I have to tell this WHOLE story as I believe it shows that God works in mysterous ways. It's no secret that I have always wanted a girl. So back when I first found out Eli was a boy, I was really disappointed. I thought he was my last baby and therefore my last chance for a girl. I didn't understand all that He had planned. If I had really been paying attention and kept my focus on God I would have seen. However, I also know that part of God's plan was my disappointment. You see after I found out he was a boy the doctor put me on anti-anxiety medication. That medication is linked to heart problems, specifically abnormal pressures in the heart. It was this abnormal pressure that God used to SAVE Eli from leaving me. He knew it, but I didn't. After Eli was born we didn't know he had a heart problem. He was actually born with three heart problems: a coarctation of the aorta, a VSD (hole between the left and right ventricle of the heart) and his PDA didn't close. The PDA didn't close because of the abnormal pressure. The doctors told me back then that if his PDA had closed Eli wouldn't be here. Thank God he is. The doctors also said that those medications they "believed" only could cause issues in the first trimester, but I know that is not true. In fact not long ago a mom and dad lost their baby boy who didn't develop heart problems until sometime between 20-30 weeks gestation and this was without medication. Add in the medication that is known to cause heart problems and well you do the math so to speak. As we all know that is NOT the first trimester so heart problems can develop after the first trimester. So I believe part of Eli's problems were caused by the medication, but the big issue, the coarctation, he still would have been born with. Therefore if I hadn't taken the medication he would have died because his PDA wouldn't have stayed open. That sounds so confusing but it really is how things were.

After Eli's first surgery we were sent home. I told them they were sending us home too early. They did surgery on Monday late (weren't done until almost midnight) and they had made the decision Wednesday they were sending us home. One week to the day we were discharged we ended up back for an additional seven weeks. During those seven weeks his heart recoarcted. If we had been at home who knows what would have happened. His VSD also closed. They were not expecting it to close let alone close so soon. After those many weeks in the hospital they didn't think he would have any other problems. In my mommy heart I knew better.

Back in January 2009 they discovered that he had aortic stenosis. He wasn't born with this. If he did not have the original heart problems I wouldn't have been followed by cardiology and we wouldn't have known about the aortic stenosis and now the mitral valve issues.

God has plans. There is so much more to say, but I want to get this posted and get this out there so if another mom is going through this she can know that God is in control. There is hope through our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ the Great Physician.


  1. That little Eli sure is one special little guy! You are a wonderful momma and your beautiful babies are so lucky to have you and you them!

  2. I love you Angela. Continue to be faithful to Him. Give Him you anxiety, your frustration, and your worries. Allow Him to have complete control.
    Ephesians 3:20