I was talking to my husband about when Eli was a baby. Before we knew about his heart problem. Before they did the chest x-ray and realized what the symptoms I was describing were from. Before the doctors actually saw the symptoms come on. Then you could feel the panic of everyone around us. We weren't alone. The doctors had joined us. But we are now wondering when will they join us in having the same panic now? I don't blame the doctors. When Eli was a baby they hooked him up to the heart monitor and the pulse oximeter but it showed normal. He still had a heart problem, but the tests didn't show anything. This is VERY typical Eli. It takes specific probing before you find the answer. Usually it's a doozy of an answer. I honestly feel sorry for the doctors because attempting to find the answers is very tricky because Eli from a medical standpoint is VERY confusing and difficult to figure out. It's not just take him to the doctors and have them look here and do this test or that. So as I sit and wait for whatever is next I am
Usually when someone asks this question I want to tell them the whole story. And I'm an open book so I let go. I sense sometimes the person who asked the original question is sorry they did. I can't say I blame them. Right now I'm trying to avoid the question because I'm NOT good. I cry a lot. Sometimes all day. All I can think is God's going to take my baby. I will NOT be okay. Eli would be healed and safe in Jesus' arms. I would be angry, heartbroken, bitter and I would not have Eli.